Why you suck at driving

[kmagnuss]

I just took a trip up to the store, nearly was run off the road, and I had an epiphony as my life flashed before my eyes... you suck at driving. And here's why:

1. If you stop 10 yards behind the line at a stop light, you're an idiot. Have you not figured out that there are weight sensors under most stoplights by now, and that if you don't drive up far enough, not only will YOU not ever be able to continue on your clueless way, but the 50 car lineup behind you won't ever move either?
2. When sitting at a stop sign waiting to turn onto the street I'm driving down, please don't wait until the last possible second to pull out, causing me to swerve off the road to avoid you. (tonight's occurance). Not only does that piss me off and want to kill your cat, but you honking and flicking me off as I pass you causes steam to come out of my ears like bugs bunny...and it's not your cat I'm considering kicking across the county anymore.
3. When I drive on the freeway, I use my cruise control. In case you're not familiar with it, it allows me to maintain the same speed without having to think about things like wind speed or elevation changes. It would come in handy while you're texting your mom the results of your pre-marital, overweight pregnancy test. Please don't pass me, only to come over into my lane and immediately slow down. Part two of this one is that when I subsequently pass you back, I'm not messing around, I'm not racing, and I sure as hell am not inquisitive as to whether or not you really are a "princess", as your sparkly pink bumper sticker suggests. If you repeat the act of passing me only to get over and slow me down, you're one night stand sperm doner won't have to give you a reason to never see you again, because I'm going to do a pit manueaver on your PWT ass.
4. This is for the seniors and the illegals. For some reason, these two groups can't seem to get this one straight. Do not drive in the left hand lane of the freeway if you're not passing anyone. It's the law. When you look in your rearview mirror, and see a lineup of cars on your ass, try to put two and two together and realize that they're there because you've been pacing that Peterbilt's 62mph pace since you left Venice. Pass him, move over, and don't slow down or we're going to have to go through all this again when he can't seem to pass you either.
5. Similar to 4, but this is more for the middle aged guy in the BMW. The left lane is for passing only. You must yield to cars trying to pass you. I don't care if you're traveling 120 mph, if someone behind you is trying to go 121 mph, get the hell out of the way.



There will be more to come. I have tons of these. If you have some to add, please do.

-Mag

[PJPR01]

Awesome...keep them coming.

Left lane driving knowledge should be a mandatory part of getting one's license in the U.S. but for some reason, people just park there and are oblivious to the pile of cars lined up behind them. For some reason, these same people are also blind, as they don't check their mirrors, and those who do see you don't know what it means when having high beams flashed on them...

Move the F&&%^K over!!!!

By the way, what are you doing driving your RR so slow at 121 mph...it goes much faster than that!!!

[kmagnuss]

6. Got a couple extra pounds to lose? A little heavy from that baby you had 12 years ago? Here's a fun excercise that's sure to burn a few extra calories: Use your damn blinker! I'm sure it's an exhausting task to reach 4.5" down from your firm grasp of the steering wheel, but if you do it on a minimum of every other turn, you will have burned away the two double whoppers with cheese, onion rings, and bucket of diet coke you wolfed down for your mid-morning snack today.

[p38arover]

1. If you stop 10 yards behind the line at a stop light, you're an idiot. Have you not figured out that there are weight sensors under most stoplights by now, and that if you don't drive up far enough, not only will YOU not ever be able to continue on your clueless way, but the 50 car lineup behind you won't ever move either?

They are magnetic sensors Down Under.

2. When sitting at a stop sign waiting to turn onto the street I'm driving down, please don't wait until the last possible second to pull out, causing me to swerve off the road to avoid you. (tonight's occurance). Not only does that piss me off and want to kill your cat, but you honking and flicking me off as I pass you causes steam to come out of my ears like bugs bunny...and it's not your cat I'm considering kicking across the county anymore.

Wait until you are riding a motorbike and they do that!

4. This is for the seniors and the illegals. For some reason, these two groups can't seem to get this one straight. Do not drive in the left hand lane of the freeway if you're not passing anyone. It's the law.

Down Under, we wish they would drive in the left hand lane! Bloody Camry drivers.

[Roverrad95]

Good timing on this Keith ----

I'd like to add to this:

Tourists: I realize that you may not live next to the ocean. Heck, you may and will appreciate regardless. However, please do not stop in the center lane to look at the ocean on the freeway. Other people who live here do have places to be and do not have the patience to wait for you and your fat ass wife to stop and watch the waves. We are also traveling at speeds like 65+mph and most of us do not have Brembo brakes that can stop us.

[fixthedoor]

When driving on a two lane highway, twisty or otherwise, slower than the 8+ cars behind you...PULL OVER! The countless signs reading, "slow traffic use turnouts," were not installed to waste tax payer money. The countless turnouts were not paved for high schoolers looking for the next risque location for a quickie. These modern marvels of engineering were designed to keep traffic from stacking up. Hard to believe I know, but it's true. So next time, pullover and let the Golly Gee Whiz pass.

[aernan]

Last Minute Merge on to the Freeway:

I see this one constantly. People just lumber on to the freeway doing like 45 Mph when the flow of traffic is like 65 Mph. Then the drive on the merge lane till it physically ends and cut off someone in the right hand lane. What's up with that?

When entering a freeway you must speed up and find a spot to merge. It's not the responsibility of the traffic on the freeway to slow down and make a huge space for you or swerve out of the way when you come cutting over at the last second.

[umbertob]

At metered highway on-ramps here in L.A., wherever giant overhead signs say "2 CARS PER GREEN, PER LANE", you have maybe a 50/50 chance that the second car will follow the first one when that light turns green. If the sign says "3 CARS PER GREEN", all bets are off. Could be 1, could be 5.

[p38arover]

Last Minute Merge on to the Freeway:

I see this one constantly. People just lumber on to the freeway doing like 45 Mph when the flow of traffic is like 65 Mph. Then the drive on the merge lane till it physically ends and cut off someone in the right hand lane. What's up with that?

We get it here, too. Usually Camry drivers but they are doing 40km/h instead of the freeway speed limit of 110km/h.

Oddly enough, when I was in the USA earlier this year, I noticed the worst drivers seemed to be ......... Camry drivers!

[rrtoadhall]

Last Minute Merge on to the Freeway:

I see this one constantly. People just lumber on to the freeway doing like 45 Mph when the flow of traffic is like 65 Mph. Then the drive on the merge lane till it physically ends and cut off someone in the right hand lane. What's up with that?

We get it here, too. Usually Camry drivers but they are doing 40km/h instead of the freeway speed limit of 110km/h.

Oddly enough, when I was in the USA earlier this year, I noticed the worst drivers seemed to be ......... Camry drivers!

Sure enough, I heard that comment several times! When he wasn't complaining about my driving.

[p38arover]

Sure enough, I heard that comment several times! When he wasn't complaining about my driving.

What I have to complain about is the fact you never took me to Grab-n-Go Espresso - just to tame places!



http://www.heraldnet.com/article/200909 ... ostitution

[Duenorf]

Awesome...keep them coming.

Left lane driving knowledge should be a mandatory part of getting one's license in the U.S. but for some reason, people just park there and are oblivious to the pile of cars lined up behind them. For some reason, these same people are also blind, as they don't check their mirrors, and those who do see you don't know what it means when having high beams flashed on them...

Move the F&&%^K over!!!!

By the way, what are you doing driving your RR so slow at 121 mph...it goes much faster than that!!!

For the advanced LL hogger there is the new sport "exit diving".
Left lane to exit in 100ft, crossing 3-4 lanes of busy traffic without indicating.

[Iceberg]

For the advanced LL hogger there is the new sport "exit diving".
Left lane to exit in 100ft, crossing 3-4 lanes of busy traffic without indicating.

Whoops, sorry, I will try not to do that again

[leftlanetruckin]

My current load for this week...
The parking spot ends at my toolbox on the frame.

genset-enclosure-web1.jpg (60.23 KiB) Viewed 223 times

Don't get me going on retards that are turn signal, accelerator pedal, brake pedal, common sense lacking......
Worse part is I have to deliver in San Fransisco
Hell even the truck stops are getting bad these days. I need @4 parking spaces, as I am over 12' wide and 80' long. the average spot is 10' wide and maybe 70' long. The amount of steering wheel holders, oops I meant truck drivers, that whine at me for taking too much space is unreal.

Martin

[Doctor Leo]

Last Minute Merge on to the Freeway:

I see this one constantly. People just lumber on to the freeway doing like 45 Mph when the flow of traffic is like 65 Mph. Then the drive on the merge lane till it physically ends and cut off someone in the right hand lane. What's up with that?

We get it here, too. Usually Camry drivers but they are doing 40km/h instead of the freeway speed limit of 110km/h.

Oddly enough, when I was in the USA earlier this year, I noticed the worst drivers seemed to be ......... Camry drivers!

Cause all Toyota drivers are virgins and bankers